I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
