Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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