just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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