I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
