he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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