i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
