the condom got lost in my hair
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
