dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
