True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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