Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
