i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
