You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
