Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I won the penis lottery.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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