Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
