Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so let's talk penis.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
