Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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