u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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