My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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