I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
