When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
