I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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