Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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