So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
