he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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