i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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