she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
