I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my being single is dangerous.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Your penis caused this!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
