I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
