Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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