Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
