worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
