we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
