walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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