I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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