Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
