I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
