Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
