that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
