So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
