omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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