Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
