foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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