my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
