i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
