I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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