Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
