He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
