why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
