is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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