They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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