Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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