I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
